笑話主題

           哲學與數學           解答                       熱汽球                                             

         旅館失火              足球員的數學         數學家的個性  

         e^x                          微積分                     Salary Theorem

         想像                      極限值           

《哲學與數學》          

哲學就像是一個有目標但沒規則的遊戲 ; 數學則是一個有規則但沒目標的遊戲答案。

Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules. 

Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.

《解答》                    

對數學家來說，解答就是去找出答案 ; 但對化學家來說，解答就是把所有事情混在一起!

To mathematicians, solutions mean finding the answers. 

But to chemists, solutions are things that are still all mixed up.

《 e^x 》                      

一位發瘋的數學家坐上一輛巴士後，開始威脅每個車上的乘客說 :

 " 我要積分掉你~~ 我要微分掉你~~"   車上的每個乘客都被數學家的行為嚇到並跑走，

但卻有一位女士留在車上不為所動。於是數學家走向那位女士並對那位女士說 :

 "你不怕嗎? 我會把你積分掉~~ 我會把你微分掉~~"

那位女士平靜地回答說， " 不，我一點也不怕啊 ~ 因為我是e^x ! "

ps: e^x不論是被微分或被積分都不會改變其原值。

An insane mathematician gets on a bus and starts threatening everybody: 

"I'll integrate you! I'll differentiate you!!!" 

Everybody gets scared and runs away. Only one lady stays. 

The guy comes up to her and says: "Aren't you scared, I'll integrate you, I'll differentiate you!!!" 

The lady calmly answers: "No, I am not scared, I am e^x ."

《微積分》                  

一個『常數方程式』和 『e^x』一起在百老匯散步著，突然這個『常數方程式』

看到一個『微分符號』正在走近他，於是『常數方程式』二話不說粉快地就跑走 !

而『e^x』看到『常數方程式』跑走，就跟著『常數方程式』後面追問『常數方程

式』說 : "為什麼你這麼急著跑走呢? "   

『常數方程式』回答說 : "嗯...你知道的吧~ 當我和『微分符號』碰在一起時，『微分

符號』會把我微分掉，然後我就會變成 0 不見了~ "

『e^x』回答『常數方程式』說　: " 喔~ 這樣子啊! 嘿~『微分符號』不是我的困擾! 

因為我是e的x次方! "

『e^x』說完後繼續向前走，不久後，『e^x』就遇到了『微分符號』，

『e^x』向『微分符號』打招呼說 : " 哈囉~ 我是e^x !"

『微分符號』回覆說 : " 嗨!  我是對Y微分的微分符號! "

A constant function and e^x are walking on Broadway. Then suddenly the constant function 

sees a differential operator approaching and runs away. So e^x follows him and asks why the hurry. 

"Well, you see, there's this differential operator coming this way, and when we meet,

he'll differentiate me and nothing will be left of me...!" "Ah," says e^x, "he won't bother ME, 

I'm e to the x!" and he walks on. Of course he meets the differential operator after a short distance.
e^x: "Hi, I'm e^x"
diff.op.: "Hi, I'm d/dy" 

《熱汽球》                   

有位物理學家和一位工程師一同在一個熱汽球上，不久，他們倆個人發現他們

迷失在大峽谷的某處。於是物理學家與工程師兩人大聲求救叫道 :  

" 哈囉~~~~有人知道我們在哪裡嗎?" 

15分鐘過後，他們聽到一個回音回答說，" 哈囉~~~你們在一個熱汽球上!!! "

於是物理學家便說 : " 那一定是位數學家回答我們的! "

工程師反問說 : " 為什麼你會這樣說呢? "

物理學家回答說: " 因為數學家給的答案總是絕對正確但卻全然地無用ㄚ! "

The physicist and the engineer are in a hot-air balloon. Soon, they find themselves lost 

in a canyon somewhere.

They yell out for help: "Helllloooooo! Where are we?"
15 minutes later, they hear an echoing voice: "Helllloooooo! You're in a hot-air balloon!!"
The physicist says, "That must have been a mathematician."
The engineer asks, "Why do you say that?"
The physicist replied: "The answer was absolutely correct, and it was utterly useless." 

《想像...》                     

有一位數學家與一位工程師一同參加一個物理學家的演講，演講的主題是關於

Kulza-Klein理論(ps: 即為一個關於在 9度空間 、12度空間或更大空間的物理流程的理論)。 

演講中，這位數學家十分專注地聆聽並沉醉在這個演講，然而相反的，工程師卻是一直

皺著眉頭，面露困惑並感到十分傷腦筋。在物理學家的演講結束後，工程師只覺得聽得

頭很痛，但數學家卻覺得這是一個很棒的演講。於是工程師便問數學家 :

"你是怎麼聽懂這些東西的呢? "    數學家回答 : " 我只是去『想像』這些流程。"

工程師回答說 : " 你怎麼有可能去『想像』那些存在 9度空間的東西呢?"

數學家說 : "這很簡單，首先，你只要先『想像』這些東西存在在 N 度空間，

然後讓 N 等於9就好了啊 !"

A Mathematician (M) and an Engineer (E) attend a lecture by a Physicist. 

The topic concerns Kulza-Klein theories involving physical processes that occur

in spaces with dimensions of 9, 12 and even higher. The M is sitting, clearly enjoying

the lecture, while the E is frowning and looking generally confused and puzzled.

By the end the E has a terrible headache. At the end, the M comments about the 

wonderful lecture.
E: "How do you understand this stuff?"
M: "I just visualize the process"
E: "How can you POSSIBLY visualize something that occurs in 9-dimensional space?"
M: "Easy, first visualize it in N-dimensional space, then let N go to 9" 

《蘇格蘭的羊》             

有一位數學家、一位物理學家以及一位工程師一同

在蘇格蘭旅遊，他們從火車的

窗戶外面看到了一隻黑羊，於是工程師說 : " ㄚ... 我看蘇格蘭的羊都是黑色的! "

物理學家說 : " 嗯...你是指有一些蘇格蘭的羊是黑色的吧!"

但數學家接著說 : " 不不不，我們只能知道的是，在蘇格蘭至少有一隻羊而且

那隻羊至少有一邊是黑色的!"

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were traveling through Scotland when 

they saw a black sheep through the window of the train.
"Aha," says the engineer, "I see that Scottish sheep are black."
"Hmm," says the physicist, "You mean that some Scottish sheep are black."
"No," says the mathematician, "All we know is that there is at least one sheep

in Scotland, and that at least one side of that one sheep is black!" 

《旅館失火》                

有一位工程師、一位物理學家和一位數學家一同在一間旅館過宿。

半夜工程師醒了過來並聞到了煙味，他走到走廊察看後發現走廊失火了，

於是工程師從房間拿了一個垃圾桶、將它裝滿水後便澆息了走廊上的火，然後

工程師就又回去繼續睡覺了。 過了一會兒，物理學家醒了過來並且也聞到了煙味，

物理學家起床打開房門發現走廊上又失火了，於是物理學家走近了走廊上的消防栓

並且在計算過火焰的速度、距離、水壓、軌道等等後，得到了滅火所須的最小水量與能量

後，利用消防栓澆息了失火的走廊。又過了一會兒，數學家醒了過來並也發現了走廊上的

火災，接著數學家注意到走廊上有個消防栓，於是數學家想了一會兒說 : 

"嗯...有滅火的方法存在! " 然後就回床繼續睡覺了!  

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are staying in a hotel.
The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway 

and sees a fire, so he fills a trash can from his room with water and douses the fire. 

He goes back to bed.  Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his

door and sees a fire in the hallway. He walks down the hall to a fire hose and 

after calculating the flame velocity, distance, water pressure, trajectory, etc. 

extinguishes the fire with the minimum amount of water and energy needed.
Later, the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke. He goes to the hall,

sees the fire and then the fire hose. He thinks for a moment and then exclaims,

 "Ah, a solution exists!" and then goes back to bed. 

《數學家的個性》          

一位個性內向和一位個性外向的數學家的不同地方在於 : 

『當一位內向的數學家跟你說話時，他的眼睛會一直盯著他自己的鞋子；

    而當一位個性外向的數學家跟你說話時，他的眼睛會一直盯著你的鞋子! 』

The difference between an introvert and extrovert mathematicians is : 

An introvert mathematician looks at his shoes while talking to you. 

An extrovert mathematician looks at your shoes. 

《足球員的數學》   

一位足球教練在球賽開始前走進了球員換衣室，找到了他的明星球員後，

對著他的明星球員語重心長地說著 : " 咳...其實我不應該讓你參加這場比賽的，

因為你的數學被當掉了，但是這場比賽我們真的需要你的參加，所以，我現在

要問你一個數學問題，只要你能答對這一題數學，你就可以下場比賽。"  

這位明星球員同意教練的提議， 於是，足球教練熱切地望著這位明星球員

的眼睛並問，" 好吧! 現在非常專心聽我的問題並告訴我這題的答案 :

 " 2 加 2 等於多少?  "     這位明星球員想了一會，然後他回答 : " 是 4 嗎?"     

足球教練大聲地說， "你確定你剛剛說的答案是 4 嗎 ? "並且教練心裡正興奮地

想說這位球員終於答對了,但教練才剛說完那句話,這個時候其他同隊的球員

卻開始尖聲吶喊說， "教練~~~不要醬子嘛~~~ 再給他一次機會啦~~~~ "

A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star

player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need 

you in there.  So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, 

you can play." The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks, 

"Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this.  What is two plus two?"
The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "4?"
"Did you say 4?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right.
At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, 

"Come on coach, give him another chance!"

Salary Theorem            

The less you know, the more you make.
Proof:

Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.

As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time
And since Knowledge = Power and Time = Money
It is therefore true that Knowledge = Work / Money .
Solving for Money, we get:
Money = Work / Knowledge
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, 

Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of Work done.

《極限值 》                     

當極限值單元的課程已上了一陣子並給了學生許多例子後，我給了下面的例子 :

為了確定是否學生真的了解吸收了極限值單元的內容，因此我給了他另一個例子 :

結果，學生給了我如下的答案 :